noncon4mist.com


Archive for the ‘Comedy’


Candid Camera Conformity 0

Posted on April 10, 2011 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

I love this Candid Camera video that demonstrates how impressionable we are, and how we will conform to stop looking foolish. And yet most of the comments on YouTube for this video are from people claiming they themselves would not succumb to this sort of peer pressure. Most are wrong. No matter how rebellious people think they are, there will be many social areas in which they will want to fit right in, because they are scared of others thinking they are stupid or ignorant. Marketing experts know this only too well, because if people were not this insecure, advertising would never work, and companies wouldn’t spend billions on it every years.

Enjoy.

Why the Internet is like Time Travel 0

Posted on October 13, 2010 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

backbuttonHave you ever noticed the similarities between the internet and time travel?

No?

Well, if you go back in time and do not change anything, everything will continue to happen as it is supposed to, in order to have everything the same in the present. But if you change something when you go back in time, you will alter the space-time continuum and the present has the potential to be very different.

When you press the back button in your browser (or on your mouse if it is posh like mine) once or several times, as long as you don’t click anything else, you can click the forward button to get back to the most current page. But if you click something – you change the landscape of history FOREVER!

Just something I noticed.

Why the Internet is like Time Travel

Have you ever noticed the similarities between the internet and time travel?

No?

Well, if you go back in time and do not change anything, everything will continue to happen as it is supposed to, in order to have everything the same in the present. But if you change something when you go back in time, the present has the potential to be very different.

When you press the back button in your browser (or on your mouse if it is posh like mine) once or several times, as long as you don’t click anything else, you can click the forward button to get back to the most current page. But if you click something – you change the landscape of history FOREVER!

Two TV License Stories 0

Posted on September 16, 2010 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

tv licence storiesI was on a train this afternoon (on my own) and was sat near a group of about six people. They were talking about the British TV License (Licence UK sp). Basically for those of you who don’t know; anyone who owns a TV in the UK has to pay £145.00 a year for a TV license, or they can be fined up to £1000.00. The BBC (that has no advertising) is totally funded by the TV license.

One of the group confessed he had never had a TV license before or since he was married, and does not plan to get one either. His friends argued that the cost of the license for everyone else is so high because of people like him who refuse to pay.  He then put forward the argument that he should not have to pay for a TV license because he does not watch BBC channels; only the other commercial channels. And he then reamed off the programs he likes to watch, and of the ones I’d heard of, they all seemed to be on terrestrial UK commercial channels.

His friends could not believe he doesn’t watch a single BBC program and quizzed him saying stuff like “what, you don’t watch sport on the BBC?”, “you don’t watch The News?”, “not even Doctor Who?” He still claimed he didn’t. Then after a long list of programs, he declared “The only BBC program I have seen in years is Hustle”.

A drama about a group of con artists.

I think only one member of the group saw the irony, but this particular statement quite tickled me, and I had to do that thing where you feign a coughing fit to try and cover up your stifled giggles. Serves me right for listening in, I guess. Despite being a nonconformist in many areas, I conform to buying a TV license as it’s cheaper than a £400 fine, which a friend of mine once had to pay.

Which reminds me of another funny story. A few weeks after my friend got fined in 1991, an annoying relative invited me to go out, and I was not in the mood to go out with them, so I made up the story that I could not afford to go out as I had just been fined £400 for not having a TV licence. (I had got a TV licence).

I had only wanted to stop them badgering me to go out, but my tale of expense also forced them to rush out and buy a TV licence themselves! Some fibs get you double points.

Andrew Scott: Ant and Dec’s Lovechild? 2

Posted on August 10, 2010 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

Ant and Dec's Baby: Andrew ScottMy friend was one of the extras in Sherlock (2010)  so I watched it and even though she wasn’t in the last episode, I was still intrigued enough to watch as the “moriachi” result of the first episode wasn’t explained.

I’m sure we were supposed to be scared by the villain Moriachi (Mariachi?), but I was too distracted by how much he looked like both Ant and Dec! If Ant and Dec had a baby boy, this is how I reckon he would look when he grew up (although that’s impossible of course… he’s  only a year younger than Ant and Dec ;)  )

Anyone with me on that?

You’d think I didn’t have any work to do from the image above (Heaven forbid anyone should ever come between Ant and Dec).

Jaz and Keith 9 0

Posted on April 02, 2010 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

Keith joins one of The Oldest Professions

X Factor’s Sacrificial Lambs 1

Posted on November 02, 2009 by noncon
Bookmark and Share
X Factor's Little Lambs John and Edward

X Factor's Little Lambs John and Edward

When I first heard that Louie invited John and Edward to be part of the live shows, I was perplexed as they clearly cannot sing, and their choreography timing is atrocious – they’re more dyspraxic than I am!

But then I remembered what I was told by someone who worked in television when Same Difference were in a similar position as John and Edward today. The only aim of the show is to make money. Advertising revenue only goes so far and the money to be made from the act who actually wins cannot be determined beforehand. But the phone lines are what shows like this are all about.

What better way to explode the number of phone calls the show will get from the public, than to throw in an untalented act to cause anger and controversy among the public?

John and Edward were specifically chosen for their ability to divide the nation. They had everything that a Sacrificial Lamb act needs:

1. For a start, not only can they not sing in tune, but they have very little strength in their voices (which if they cannot sing in tune, is a great blessing).

2. They were also twin brothers, which is seen as both cutesy and annoyingly sad and embarrassing, depending on your views.

3. They are young and naive, and don’t know they are untalented – perfect! The show can take the piss as much as they like, and the boys won’t even know!

4. They are also good looking enough to ensure thousands of teenage girls will be running up mum and dad’s phone bills.

So Simon Cowell and Louie Walsh agree beforehand that if such an act comes along, “grab em quick so we can clean up!” They must have thought it was Christmas when John and Edward came along and ticked all the boxes.

So with the twins’ only talent for frightening and angering people, the stage is set. Because there are so many more talented people in the competition, the family and supporters of the acts that really do have talent are incensed more and more each week that the boys stay in the competition. And they do everything in their power to get as many people to vote for their loved ones and try to give the twins the boot.

Several exceptionally talented acts have already been victims of this cruel TV practice including the brilliant Rachel Adedeji. But as they went out due to not enough public votes, it’s not a case of a potential winner losing out to this practice – unless they actually win!

The thing that confirmed this theory for me was last week when it was Big Band week. Louie could so easily have given the boys a classic big band song and got the lads to dress up smart and just stand and sing, but no. The boys are now a circus act, so the more vomit inducing colorful dancers there are, the better. The more dancing the twins have to do the better – they’ll be even more out of breath and the poor singing will be even worse. Also the less serious the song the better. ‘She Bangs’ by Ricky Martin was the perfect song to maximize ridicule for the Grimes brothers.

I actually wonder if the female judges are even in on this conspiracy. Dannii shakes her head in despair before remembering to continue the diplomatic charade. Cheryl in particular seems to genuinely believe that Louie is in love with Jedward as they are now known. Then again, Simon will probably have instructed the judges all to act their socks off when commenting on John and Edward’s performances. But comments like “Out of all the acts, yours is the one I most look forward to” tells me Cheryl’s no actress.

I doubt the Grimes can win, but what do I know? Is it possible that the Sacrificial Lambs could sacrifice the integrity of The X Factor itself and actually win? It would be horrific, but kind of a strange karma for the show to have its plan backfire.

About The Missing Videos 0

Posted on October 24, 2009 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

I have only just noticed that my videos are missing. It seems the site where they are hosted; Xtranormal, are making lots of changes and one of the changes was to add new directories for all the existing movies, meaning the embed codes are all out of date. Great.

So once my movies are back on Xtranormal’s site, I might get the new code and amend them. Or when I get chance I’ll probably get the code from YouTube. They’re less likely to be messing about with the code.

Anyway, that’s why Jaz and Keith, Melody and Sabrina and Boyfriend Girlfriend are missing. But my channel on YouTube is GeneralLawlessness if you were wondering what’s supposed to be in the blank spaces. Wish I could get the viewing figures on YT that I got on XN, but Jaz and Keith 3 that had over 80,000 views last time I looked, is now nowhere to be seen on Xtranormal.com. I find it so depressing that it only has 18 views on YouTube.

And I am NOT going to give a link to the cheeky $%*&# who stole my Jaz and Keith 3 and made my two innocent boys speak terrible bad language. But he’s just a kid, and he acknowledged that the movie was someone else’s and he put “Jaz and Keith” in the description (which is how I found it on YouTube), so it is searchable. It has more views than the far superior original, but then good clean fun isn’t very fashionable now is it?

Melody and Sabrina 1 1

Posted on October 09, 2009 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

Sabrina meets Madonna’s daughter, Lourdes

Article Jibberish Autospam 0

Posted on September 30, 2009 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

I’m aware of automatic article generating tools that rewrite articles and exist in order to prevent being penalized by the search engines for duplicate content, in the case of submitting the articles to many sites (or to change stolen articles). And after seeing some of the results that these tools produce, I’m not in favor of any of them, even if I were to use them ethically.

I’ve stumbled upon several low quality sites that are spewing out this crap, but most were in the day that you could make one-page jibberish sites and earn a small fortune just from people clicking on the ads. I even found an awful, jibberish site by a highly respected marketing guru (although I’ve since learned of this person’s feet of clay) who claimed (when looking for a great vacation destination), “…you can’t go past London” - (you can’t beat London).

A quick “phrase match” search to see if the site still exists, tells me it doesn’t, but proves that the person wasn’t the only one using that same crap article generator tool.

Today I got a very long spam comment on this blog ( I have to install Akismet – I just haven’t got my API key yet) and apart from the huge list of medication I was kindly provided with, the article has to be seen to be believed. Not only has it clearly been through one of these incompetent  ‘word machines’, but I’m not convinced the original author even knows the English language.

If you’re not familiar with these types of articles, they work (or not) by a thesaurus tool replacing certain words for alternative words that are supposed to mean the same thing. But as we all know, the English language ain’t that simple, is it? For example; I’m guessing that “go danger medical notice” should actually read:  “seek urgent medical attention”.

Here’s an edited version of the article:

Obtain [PRODUCT NAME REMOVED] positively as it was prescribed also in behalf of you. Do not steal it in larger doses or looking for longer than recommended close your doctor.

Pocket each dispense with a full glassware of water.

[PRODUCT NAME REMOVED] can be captivated with or without food.

[PRODUCT NAME REMOVED] is normally bewitched not when needed, yon 60 minutes ahead sex activity. The medication can escape effect an erection when genital stimulation occurs. An erection determination not chance very recently by bewitching a pill. Flow your doctor’s instructions.

Do not terminate [PRODUCT NAME REMOVED] more than once a day. Countenance 24 hours to pass between doses. Phone your doctor or go danger medical notice if your erection is exacting or lasts longer than 4 hours. A prolonged erection (priapism) can check compensation the penis. Keep [PRODUCT NAME REMOVED] at room temperature away from moisture and heat.

Jaz and Keith 8 0

Posted on September 02, 2009 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

The Revolution (part 3)

Jaz and Keith are going places. Not.

Jaz and Keith are making a splash 0

Posted on August 27, 2009 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

I just got off the phone from a friend who has not yet seen any of my animated videos (I thought I’d bullied – emailed everyone about them)

So I told him to type Jaz and Keith into YouTube, and he asked “Would I find them if I typed them into Google?” I thought he might have to search through hundreds of other sites, but when I looked myself, this is what I saw:

JazandKeithinGoogle

So the top three sites for ‘Jaz and Keith’ are YouTube, Xtranormal and Noncon4mist – cool!

I expect it has something to do with the fact that Jaz is not a common name (especially not together with Keith!) which is why I’ve picked relatively unusual names for my new series of animated videos too; Melody and Sabrina.

In other Jaz and Keith news; Episode 3 has been seen by over 38,000 people!

JazandKeith38000views

And most people seem to like it. Some people have commented that they like the whole series, which is always encouraging. I have now upgraded to the paid account in Xtranormal, so I have access to a lot more characters, backgrounds and voices. And premium members also get to download STATE the animation software for free, which I will do when they release their new version soon.

Jaz and Keith 7 0

Posted on August 26, 2009 by noncon
Bookmark and Share

The Revolution (part 2)

Jaz and Keith are not quite themselves.



↑ Top