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This morning I greeted my dog Sadie (a mixed race mut, believed to be staffy and German Shepherd) in the usual way. I said “Hellooo!” in that special sing-song voice reserved only for animals and toddlers, and she returned the greeting in her own wag-tail way.

It made me think that I’ve probably never been as nice to humans as I am to dogs. Is that terrible? Or is it a blessing, seeing as I would probably be arrested if I was? What if we stroked people’s hair (personal hygiene standards permitting)? Or if we gently rubbed people’s hands if we think they are nice, whether or not we actually know them? God – the thought is making me feel sick.

Amazingly, dogs have their own versions of social etiquette by use of their tails. Most people think they only wag their tales when they are happy. Not so. All the dogs I have known (a lot) have wagged their tails when they were:

• happy
• guilty
• not sure what you mean, but are willing to appear as if they do

which makes me convinced that a tail wag is a dog’s equivalent of our smile, which, don’t forget, we also do when we are embarrassed and uncomfortable. So there you have it. That is why dogs wag their tails.

Have you ever noticed the similarities between the internet and time travel?

No?

Well, if you go back in time and do not change anything, everything will continue to happen as it is supposed to, in order to have everything the same in the present. But if you change something when you go back in time, you will alter the space-time continuum and the present has the potential to be very different.

When you press the back button in your browser (or on your mouse if it is posh like mine) once or several times, as long as you don’t click anything else, you can click the forward button to get back to the most current page. But if you click something – you change the landscape of history FOREVER!

Just something I noticed.

OK I know everyone makes typos and spelling mistakes, and the internet is crawling with them, but sometimes I find spelling mistakes that make me laugh as they can often be ironic or have a double meaning. Here’s one I just found at Musicians-in-your-city.co.uk.

A local band advertised themselves online with these compelling words:

“are aim is to make music that is true and real.. we have a wealth of experience accross the bored.. style/ country rock/blues. semi pro”

Although there are several mistakes it was “across the BORED” that made me chuckle – especially as they’re performing musicians.

It only occurred to me today that bad press isn’t the only downside to fame. You and I can choose to go to a funeral, or choose not to. But if you’re a celebrity, you get a truck load of grief (pun intended) if you don’t go to an old colleague’s funeral, even if there is a legitimate reason for not going.

Diana Ross, Elizabeth Taylor and Madonna were all heavily criticized for not going to Michael Jackson’s memorial service. In fact I read about this type of criticism all the time. There’s always someone whinging about who’s snubbed whose funeral.

Peter O’Toole is the latest victim of this phenomenon, as he didn’t go to the funeral of Keith Waterhouse. He says it was a private funeral, and that he is going to the memorial service. Read more Here.

How many people do we meet over a lifetime? And the older we all get (if we’re lucky and outlive our peers), the more funerals we find ourselves going to.

Celebrities almost certainly meet a lot more people than the rest of us. I mean, think about it – if someone of O’Toole’s age and status were to pay their respects to everyone they ever worked with, they’d have to be at a funeral every single week!

Whether there’s a legitimate reason or not, it’s no-one else’s business which funerals they go to. The average funeral attendee hasn’t spoken to the deceased for years anyway. Showing your love and respect to a person during their lifetime should be more important than turning up out of obligation once they’re dead.

Soulmates Forever

There’s not much these two haven’t been through together.

Saturday’s Child

A rare chance to see Keith smile and laugh.

Has Sadie learned to poop near the bin?

Sadie the dog is nine and such a good-natured dog. Don’t ask me what breed she is; a bit of everything we think! She was left abandoned in a house by people who just moved away, and couldn’t be bothered to give her away. Nice.

On her walks she loves to chase the ball, but only until she gets tired, then she refuses to bring it back, instead opting to roll in the grass. You know the manoeuvre; the writhing one dogs do. She is very good on her walks. She always goes away from the path to poop.

On our usual walk, there are two bins dog walkers can put bags of poop in; one at the beginning and one at the end. Sadie likes to do her business about a hundred yards past the first bin, and I always walk back with it. She seemed confused at first, but then got used to it.

But today she actually pooped right next to the bin! Was this a co-incidence? Or has Sadie learned that we don’t have to walk back the way we came if she poops next to the bin?

I’m guessing: co-incidence.

Although I have my serious moments, I tend to see the funny side of life in a lot of things. At school years ago this didn’t go down to well if I was being told off at the time, but what’s more funny than seeing miserable grown ups getting really wound up? The more high pitched they became the more I found it funny.

I find myself constantly surrounded by serious people. They’re everywhere. They feel the world will end if they don’t watch the news every day. Well the way I see it, the world WON”T end if you miss it. I refuse to watch such depressing stuff. I get my topical knowledge from feeds, satire shows, texts and tweets. I don’t mind that, as long as I don’t have to sit through a solemn news reporter telling us all what a terrible mess we’re all in.

Life’s what you make it, not what you’re told to believe by the media, who are determined to keep you  downtrodden, so you’ll buy more newspapers out of fear. Don’t follow the rest of the miserable masses of sheeple. Live in the moment – instead of constantly waiting for your life to begin!